I had a hard day. Just feeling down and overwhelmed with all the hats I wear and the pressure of it all. Kids who don’t obey, communication challenges in my marriage, organizational changes at work, and more acquaintance-only friends than I can count. And to be honest, it’s been a rough day.
Do you have rough days? Because I’m guessing I’m not alone.
I know we often have a tendency to hide behind a mask on the hard days. It’s not that we pretend to be perfect, but we don’t talk openly about our struggles either. And the isolation feeds the sadness. And pretty soon, a speedy-spiral down begins, and the vortex sucks us deeper in, feeling even more down and overwhelmed.
And I think what makes a day like today rough, is my indulgent thoughts. They are full of questioning and self-doubt, giving leverage to the wishing for things to be different—self-inflicted standards that blind me to the blessings all around.
Wishing I was a better wife who could communicate more effectively.
Dreaming of being a mom who isn’t easily triggered by childish silliness and repetitive disobedience—a mom whose fuse is long instead of short.
Wishing I was a better leader at work, more decisive and less worried about others disagreeing with my decisions.
And really, really, wishing I had close friends.
Oh I have plenty of people I know—people who would say they like me, who may even say they admire me. But no one who I really share life with. No one who I chat with on the phone or sit with on my couch, talking in person face to face.
And it’s probably my own fault … so little time in my days for such things … things that would feed my heart. In these busy kind of days with Facebook updates and twitter posts as substitutes for intimacy, the art of knowing another and being known in return, is fading, and I’m so sad about that. As Anne of Green Gables would say…I need a bosom friend.
And because of all this wallowing, I wasn’t going to link up with Ann and her community this week. And I skipped five-minute-Friday last week too. Thinking I’d just sit alone behind my mask, not really even wanting to write.
And then I spent time with Him, as I do most every day. And like He does each and every time, through the power of His Word, He transforms my wretched wallowing heart and makes me see my sin. I’m stuck staring at my ingratitude and indulgence—my selfish useless thinking. And it is He alone who can make me new…He alone who can take my wishing and dreaming and redirect me to see what He has already given–to see what I actually have, instead of what I think I lack.
And it is in grasping of who He is, who I am in Him, and the giving of thanks back to Him, where the transformation happens.
Psalm 97:9,11-12 (ESV) For you, O Lord, are most high over all the earth; You are exalted far above all gods. Light is sown for the righteous, and joy for the upright in heart. Rejoice in the Lord, O you righteous, and give thanks to His Holy name.
And so amidst a rough day, I will exalt Him for who He is–and give Him a sacrifice of praise. I will pursue righteousness and He promises to light my way and give me joy…joy that is beyond happiness, beyond circumstances, beyond my wishes and possibilities. Joy that is grounded in the recognition of who He is and what He gives.
And I will come to Jesus amidst the rough days…I will choose Him and I will give thanks, continuing to count the gifts that never end.
Amidst your hard and rough days, may you see the gifts that never end…the ones He never stops giving, and may you find joy, is my prayer.
Continuing in the counting of One Thousand Gifts {#1098-1112}…
#1098 The beauty of the making-up after the arguing #1099 Time spent all day with my children #1100 A new way to celebrate advent together…Truth in Tinsel #1101 A crescent moon in the dark sky tonight #1102 Sisters in Bloom and the beauty God’s weaving in it #1103 A youngest daughter turning four #1104 The surprise we’re preparing for her #1105 A hard-working and very talented husband #1106 In-laws who selflessly serve us each and every day #1107 A job I love and a reputation for loving Jesus there #1108 Ann’s relevant words, to seek Him when I feel the hunger #1109 Lessons I’m learning in writing #1110 A new car to drive with XM radio…LOVE the Message #1111 Good Morning Girls emails throughout the day, and a chance to SEE them in person this Sunday #1112 And this song, Come to Jesus, that moved me to tears flowing down fast, amidst this rough day
Linking also with Week 4 of Write it Girl
And the free app for counting the gifts…
Jaque~ Oh my, sweet sister. I have had those days. Yesturday in fact was one for me. I was thinking about you this morning, and how excited I am for you to be a part of Sisters in Bloom, and I was remembering how beautiful your smile and greeting were at Relevant, and wishing I could sneak off for coffee with you and you could tell me all about yourself… more and more. I am praying for you, giving thanks on the hard days is the most rewarding thanks, reminding ourselves to trun to him, when the rain comes down steady and we just want to slip off and hide- His light shines brightly in you and it besses me again and again!! And if you ever want to call and talk, you just let me know, I will happily give you my number!! xxoo ((hugs)) Praying for you today!
Hello there… I just came across your blog from Ann’s, & I am so grateful. I identifity with every word you wrote, the wearing of many hats can leave us so splintered, especially when there aren’t the deep friendships to ground us, to remain steady in the midst of all the different roles we play. But, HE is steady. He is faithful and never changes and He is the same yesterday, today, & tomorrow. Sometimes, that’s the only constant.
Thank you so much for sharing. You’ve brought blessing to me as I head to work this morning. I’m following, and would love for you to follow me, as well, over at ConfidentOfThis.com blessings to you today! -lauren
Thanks for not hiding…not coming under the burden of performance…or the “fine” response when someone asks how your doing… I think learning to live more honest here can actually help us live more honest with others IRL…this place…this blog world can be a healing place…or a place we can choose to create a persona for others to admire…I think one of the gifts I have found that comes with age is freedom…freedom to just be…the good,the bad, the ugly…
I love how you came full circle…yes we all struggle…yes we all have those days…but He will meet us right in the middle of it all…if we will let Him…thanks for letting Him…
Don’t grow weary in doing good…in due season you will reap a harvest….
Blessings~
Thank you for this post! I totally, completely relate. Especially the part about not having any close friends, but many acquaintances. You changed my life forever when I met and spoke with you at M2M- I will be forever grateful for your transparency!!! I would always be happy to keep in touch with you! Women like you are the kind of women I want to count as a friend 🙂
Let’s get some tea together.
That you praise Him in the hard times too is a witness to my soul. Lord, send her “bosom” friends. Send them to everyone who needs them. In Jesus loving name, Amen.
So glad you wrote this, Jacque…. I hear you. Sending love from the other side of the states…
Beautiful, so real. My days have been tough lately, too, and I hear you on the “bosom” friend. Acquaintances are easier to hide with aren’t they? Keep seeking out others and being transparent. I’ve learned that people want to see us true and broken, and that authentic friendships grow from that humble place. (BTW, I love that song “Come to Jesus”…and I just passed 1000 gifts last week! Still counting!
sad to say, wallowing just isn’t all it’s cracked up to be is it:) looking back, nov. has been a down month for me. have started back on walking to relieve stress and lessen gloom. of course, meditating on God’s Word helps too…a LOT.
i’ve had times when i didn’t have many close friends. everyone tho’t i had plenty of friends b/c i was friendly. eeek! i started reaching out to people i liked (i know! a really novel idea:) these days we have starbucks for meeting friends for something short and cheap. whatever it takes. the hard part is sometimes, you’ll be rebuffed. it happens. despite the fact that it feels life-threatening, we don’t die from it. we just feel like we might. i know God will provide the friend(s) you need. don’t be surprised if you find them in unexpected places.
i’m with you jacque. i know some of your story and i’m so for you. hang in there girl. m
Thank you for your sweet words and your friendship, and I’m looking forward to our Sisters in Bloom journey so very much! Thank you for praying for me!
He IS steady and faithful and I’m so thankful for that! Thank you for your encouragement!
Ah…your generous words of wisdom inspire, friend. *Thank you*…
Oh Rebecca, I just love your heart and it has been such a privilege to watch you fall so in love with Jesus. Thank you for your life-giving words to me, friend!
Sure enjoyed that concert with you, and yes…tea and talking sound delightful!
Thank you for caring enough to not only type out those words to me, but to pray them over us all…YES and amen!
Sending sweet love right on back, friend!!
True and broken with humility is exactly what I long to be and to have in friendship. And yay for 1000 and counting…always counting without end! It is SO nice to have met you at Relevant!!
Thank you sweet Martha! That first dinner with you is one I’ll cherish for a long time!
I wallow too…thanks for your honesty. I found you through Joy in the Journey’s Life Unmasked. May His Word keep rattling around in the wallowing places and bring you comfort.
Love this post! I found your lovely blog through Write It, Girl and am now following via email. You can find me at reneeannsmith.com. Blessings!
Hi Jacque, I came over from UpLIFTing Weekly. I can completely relate to what you wrote, especially “questioning and self-doubt, giving leverage to the wishing for things to be different.” I have to be very careful of this because once the wishing for something different thoughts start, they feed off of each other and can be hard to stop. Turning to Scripture and spending time with the Lord helps turn that around. Sometimes I have to be conscious of other factors. If I’m overtired, the negative thoughts come even faster, and I have to stop myself from getting caught up in them.
Glad I found you today!
Laura
Not only did you link up – you shared your true heart and it is a ministry to others who feel the same. I understand your weariness and the longing for intimacy. I also think it is stage of life that keeps us from connecting consistently with others. Family, work, life – keeps us busy. But God is always waiting to connect our hearts to His living Word! In Him our fellowship is rich and always yes!
Praying for you friend! That you will feel that fellowship, and that God will surprise you with it in other ways today!
Thanks for liking up with Write It Girl in November!
Thank you Brenda!
Renee, so very nice to meet you! Thank you for your kind words…and for reading 🙂
Yes, you are so right…time with Him is absolutely the answer, and He loves us so!
Oh Stacy, thank you for your encouragement and for praying for me…it means so much to me!