The Thorns Beneath the Smile {Why Our Answers Should Simply Be Yes or No} :: Sermon on the Mount {Week 16 & 17}

I’m a liar.

And you are too…

Oh maybe not in obvious ways, but they’re lies just the same.

You know…

Like when a friend says you should get together sometime, and insists how much you mean to her, but the meeting never ever happens.

Yeah, that.

Or when you run into that person in the mall and it catches you by surprise, and the small talk is awkward and you pretend to be interested in their words, because after all ,you’re Facebook friends and you should care.

Yeah, that too.

Or when you’re unexpectantly in a situation that demands a decision, and you’re not prepared to give an answer.

Yeah, me too…

She invited me weeks before the event. And I wanted to go, I really did, but kept putting off my response, hesitant to make a decision either way. But when she cornered me at church I didn’t know what to say.

“Yes! I got the invitation! Thank you so much for thinking of me,” I said.

“Will you be there?” she asked.

And an avalanche of internal conversation took over my mind over the course of a few seconds…

I like her and I’m sure the party will be fun, but is it worth missing date night? I don’t have that much in common with her … but other people may be there who I’d like to meet. But is that the right reason to go? Is it the best use of my time? … Time without kids is so rare. I could read. I could write. I could mindlessly scroll through Twitter or Facebook for as long as I want. I know we’ll never be best friends, she’s just not my type. But I don’t want her feelings to be hurt. And I don’t want to look bad. Maybe if I don’t make a decision now, I can just put it off until later–not commit either way. At least then, time will go by, and when I decide not to go, it won’t look as bad?

“Oh I’d love to be there! Let me talk to my husband and confirm the date on my calendar and I’ll get back to you. It looks good, but let me check, ok? Maybe I can bring something?”

“Great!” she said, “I really hope you can come!! Don’t worry about bringing anything, I’ve got it covered.”

And with church about ready to start, we said goodbye and settled into our respective seats.

And there you have it. I’m a liar. And I’m guessing you are too.

And mostly we’re afraid to say no to a good cause.

Afraid we’ll let someone down.

Afraid we’ll be rejected or looked down upon altogether.

So we make a promise directly or indirectly, and even though we didn’t intend to, we lie.

And the Pharisees were the same way–making promises they didn’t keep.

It had become the tradition of the day to take oaths for every little thing—as if saying yes or no wasn’t enough. And to make matters worse, after they made the oath, they sometimes rescinded their promise, changing the rules and claiming that the oath didn’t count.

They became legalistic, claiming it had never been an oath in the first place, that way they weren’t really breaking any law at all. They weren’t lying because “technically” they had never promised! They were master manipulators, those Pharisees … Ahem … sound familiar?

And Jesus addresses this issue head-on, this lying and manipulation that was so prevalent. And unlike some interpretations of this passage, it’s not that Jesus was against all oaths—in fact He advocated them to be made in solemn and serious ways, at the right times for the right reasons. But He rejected the need for an oath for every little commitment, because doing so made light of the purpose of an oath and diluted the significance of a simple yes or no.

Matthew 5:33-37 (ESV)

Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.’ But I say to you, Do not take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.

A simple yes or a simple no.

This is all we need to say.

No exaggerations.

No placating exuberance.

No misleading implications.

Just our word. 

Integrity is proven by action not intention.

 

It’s not wrong to take an oath if the weight and seriousness of the situation demand it—but in most situations, our integrity should support a simple yes or no, with our actions backing it up.

Because it’s the hesitant-to-commit maybes and the misleading-put-the-decision-off-until-later answers that make us have thorns beneath our smiles.

So the next time we’re asked to join that committee, lead that work project, or meet someone for coffee…

May we weigh our decisions carefully.

May we be brave and honest with our own hearts and the hearts of others.

And may we live in the integrity of our actions–in the courage and bravery of a simple yes or no.

Is it hard for you to say no?

Do you communicate misleading messages?

Have you ever implied a yes, when you were just too afraid to say no?

Continuing on in memorizing the Sermon on the Mount, with Ann and this community. Join us?

This week on to Matthew 5:38-42 (ESV)…

{WEEK 18 & 19}

 

Matthew 5:38-42 (ESV)

“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.

 

y h h t i w s a e f a e a a t f a t b i s t y d n r t o w i e b i a s y o t r c t t h t o a a i a w s y a t y t l h h y c a w a i a f y t g o m g w h t m g t t o w b f y a d n r t o w w b f y

 

*Linking with The Better Mom, Women Living Well, Do Not Depart, Good Morning Girls, Denise in Bloom, Imparting Grace, Thought Provoking Thursday

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