I cry the ugly cry and can hardly type through the blur. My heart is aching and I know the ache is nothing compared with what some others may be facing. But my tears only know my ache, the reality of my situation, and there’s nothing more real than my very own heart.
I’m alone, yet I know God is here.
I’ve heard people say that Jesus is all we need, and while ideally this is true, He doesn’t have skin on, and He created us for each other too. And how I long for the embrace of real people to hold my heart and reassure me that everything’s going to be okay.
Maybe you’ve had these moments too … late night moments when you’re all alone and the weight of reality settles in like a heavy cloud. Where you’re overwhelmed and not sure what to do next. When you long for a friend to talk to.
Me too, friend, me too.
How is it we can know so many people, yet still feel so alone?
How is it possible to be lonely amidst so many acquaintances?
I watched the women talk on Sunday, so animated and engaged. They chatted and laughed and were full of joy. I stared and wished I had that too. But the reality is, I don’t.
I walk the church campus and hear lots of greetings. People say hi and even ask how I’m doing, but there’s no time to stop and share. Only time to say something to fill the moment–a way of making passing conversation. They asked, but I’m not sure they really wanted to know.
Acquaintances.
I’ve grown weary of acquaintances.
People I’ve known in one capacity or another, sometimes closely, sometimes at a distance.
People who say they appreciate me and love me, but all of us with lives too busy to offer face to face time with one another.
Too wrapped up in our own schedules to offer any I’m-coming-over-to-sit-with-you-on-your-couch-to-just-talk time.
It hurts.
And I’m thinking I’m not alone.
And while it’s true God created us for fellowship with one another, it’s also true that others can’t meet all our needs. We’re designed with an empty place in our hearts only He can fill. And times alone, without others as a distraction, bring us to the end of ourselves and make us fully dependent on Him.
And as we turn to Him, He meets us in that place.
I reflect and remember words I’ve written before…
Feelings are not the dictators of my reality.
The sacrifice of giving thanks brings joy.
The sacrifice of praise lifts the spirit of heaviness.
And is it possible He’s giving me this season to lean into Him … to turn to Him, in a new and passionate way?
So I run to His Word to replace my feelings with His truth.
I make my list of thanks—because everything is from Him. And everything is a gift.
And I put on Pandora and worship and praise Him. Because no matter what my heart feels, He is worthy of my praise. I sing. All alone, I sing. Even if all that I can sing is a broken hallelujah.
Because no matter what we’re feeling, no matter what we’re facing, he is in total control and He is good.
He sees.
He knows.
And He meets us even there.
In these low places and in these desperate moments.
And He is enough.
Jacque
Have you ached for relationship too?
How has God met you, even in those moments?
Continuing on, in the counting of One Thousand Gifts {#1621-1635} with Ann and this community, and the Joy Dare of 2012…with September’s printable.
#1621 Air conditioning on hot muggy days
#1622 A house cleaned by my husband and kids
#1623 Women of Faith in Anaheim
#1624 Help to live my God-sized dream
#1625 Job loss and joy in suffering
#1626 Extra shifts to help meet the budget
#1627 Time with my parents
#1628 A 12 mile-run with my sister
#1629 A day at the fair with the kids
#1630 Leading hymns and singing old songs
#1631 Chicken pot pie, connection, and prayer
#1632 Lunch with an almost-grown son
#1633 Kids swimming every day
#1634 The growing joy of processing life through writing
#1635 How He loves me and meets me even there
Oh, sweet precious friend whom I adore…I long to be closer to you. I know it’s not the same as IRL but we can so easily chat. Your honesty here is beautiful – even in the pits of sadness, He is there. His heart breaks when yours does because you are his daughter – I love how you have glorified Him even in your sadness.
I’m praying, sweet sister!
OH this ache…I am recovering from a painful fellowship spilt…these ladies had become my sole source of friendship…one being my sister…and then it all was gone…then I experienced the most painful loneliness…I am coming out on the other side…I can say…Jesus became the dearest friend to me…I would not trade what I gained for what i lost…but now it is time for me to learn again how to build friendships…and the hardest part is I know this is not done quickly…so I am learning to be patient…letting Him teach me how to be a friend. I know this deep deep ache…so glad you found peace in the pain…and yes…in those moments He truly is enough. ((hugs)) to you sweet Jacque
Yes, I ‘ve been there. Today, when I just talked to HIM about how I felt and admitted that I just couldn’t help feeling this need for human fellowship though I don’t want to feel like this. I don’t know how HE did it, but within a very short while, I started enjoying HIM again and HE became all my world. “All of HIM is more than enough for each of us”.
(((HUGS))) Yep…BTDT! He has seen it as a benefit to my family to keep us out of IRL fellowship for about 4 years. An eternity at times, yet not really. He knows we needed to be HIS…to rely totally on Him because for years I know I did not. I put way more faith, trust, hope, etc. into the humans I knew/know. Sad, but true. He really needed time to get me to really, truly see He is my all in all and if He is all I have, then that would be enough!
And yet…He created us to need one another. The extend grace, hug, pray WITH and not just FOR one another.
Going through a bad church experience made the hubby and I raw and our view of church and church “people” a bit tainted to say the least. I took a long time for me to realize *I* am the one that needs Him, not those I thought to “pray for that they would see the light”!
I don’t know your whole story, but I know he does. he never leads us through the wilderness for any other reason that to become our all sufficient one.
Hang in there…extend grace. pray for comfort and peace. He has your back and will provide what you need when you need it!
WOW is all I can say! Boy this has been my feeling for a long time. My girls are 16, 20 and becoming a bit more independent. They have jobs and work….ALL good!! But I’m a bit alone more often and I feel lost at times…so I’m feeling this way more often. I do have friends people I love they love me but we are BUSY. 🙁
So when It gets to be too much….I make time to spend with one of my dear friends.
BUT boy do I know how you feel. Btw I LOVE your posts….they always speak to me! Your heart is beautiful and real….your gifted with the words you use….keep writing….God is using you HERE too! God Bless You!
Jacque,
I’ve been there. The ubiquitous question “How are you?” has become more of a social pleasantry than a sincere inquiry. Frustrating! Really, how do we reapond when we’re not doing okay? I wonder what some people would do if we actually told them when things aren’t “fine.” In the body of Christ we’re called to carry one another’s burdens. The truth is, you need to know you are sharing your burdens with someone who is “safe.” Someone who will keep your confidence, truly listen, and be willing to just sit with you in your pain. I’ve been burned in the past by people who were “there” for a moment, but not for the long haul that true friendship requires. I’ve been guilty of the same, much to my shame. I believe that Christ is our ultimate source. I’m also learning how to rely more on these safe people He has placed in my life to be His hands and feet on earth. Great post. I hope you’re doing okay, that you’re feeling better.
Bless you,
Laura
Oh, friend, I’ve been there too. And He did. He used that time to make a bond between us that sustains me through the darkest times. Bless you as you draw close to Him.
Oh Natalie…what a gift you are! Thank you…
Yes Ro, He IS enough…(((hugs))) back, my friend!
Thank you for your encouraging words Anita!
Donna, isn’t it amazing when we connect with God how He corrects and instructs and woos in the most poignant ways! Thank you for your sweet words of encouragement. And He does provide what I need…yes, He does.
Your sweet words just melted my heart. Thank you for taking the time to write such heart felt encouragement to me. My biggest prayer is to be used, and I am so thankful God used YOU to encourage me today. Blessings to you!
Yes, a social pleasantry for sure! And you’re right, it IS frustrating. Thank you for your genuine concern and care for me and your kind words. I really appreciate you…that you “get it” and that you care! Blessings to you 🙂
Thank you Laura…the closeness of these times does have a sweetness, a peace in relying on Him alone. Like you, I’m thankful for the bond we’re creating…so blessed by you!