The frisbees fall to the ground one after another as we make our way through the trees. Some fly right, others fly left, and it’s rare for them to go exactly on the intended path.
We’re all together and it’s nice to get outside, and it’s even warmer than we thought it’d be when we began. But we stick together and press on, aiming at trees, counting the throws and tracking our frisbee-golf points.
And it’s then that he suddenly announces he wants to quit–wants to go back to the cabin. He’s not having fun because he’s behind.
And I’m not sure what it is about the way God gives personalities, but He hands them out, right from the start, and some things are just woven right into who we are. And in his 9-year-old heart, he’s competitive.
He wants to win … to excel and exceed, and demands perfection from himself at all times.
It’s such a hard road to walk when you’re without grace for your own heart.
We recognize what’s happening and tell him he can’t quit. So then he decides on the next best idea: he just wants to quit keeping score.
Wants to drop the measuring stick telling him he’s not good enough, not strong enough, and not capable of being a viable candidate in the race.
Wants to run from what is an inevitable loss,
Wants to wave the white flag before the defeat humiliates and the loss is secured.
Maybe because quitting seems more noble than losing right out.
Because all that losing…
It requires dignity of character and wisdom amidst defeat.
It mandates a death to the desires of self and happiness for whoever gets to win–
Demands happiness for the champion while inside you free fall right down.
And it’s then I realize I may be slamming straight into a mirror, because I know that temptation. As I throw around posts and fling out tweets all falling in the forest and echoing from the silence. I wonder if it’d be easier to just wave the surrender flag and walk right on home. Because when you’re so far behind it seems it’d be impossible to ever catch up.
At first his quitting announcement repulses me, until I realize we are more similar than I care to admit.
I can understand…
How you want to stop watching your frisbee fall … so you don’t fall down altogether.
How you hang in there by a thread not wanting it to really count, in case you’re not enough and you unravel in front of everyone.
How you want to be of value,
And want every throw to matter,
So the frisbee reaches the destination instead falling short each time you throw.
With reluctance he keeps throwing again and again in spite of his struggle within.
And although many finish before him, he ends at the same tree where the winner does. It takes time, but he eventually makes it to the finish line, despite the multiple throws and detours and curves it took to arrive.
We turn from that finish line and walk down the hill and over the rocks to the cabin that waits for us there … this 9-year-old and all the rest, falling in line together … all the way back home.
Do you ever feel behind with little hope of catching up?
How have you overcome the fear of failure?
I’m joining Lisa-Jo, over at her site today, to take five minutes and just write without worrying if it’s just right or not. The challenge is to write for 5 20 minutes flat with no editing, tweaking or self critiquing, with the prompt she gives. And today, her prompt:
Fall…
Yay! So happy to link up behind you tonight errr, this morning. 😉 I wrote about this very same thing. It’s so interesting the take on different personalities and what falling behind does to them. I loved this post, Jacque. I am the world’s biggest quitter. I just predict failure so often and I just feel like dropping out is easier than the inevitable. But I see it. And I want to run the race, even if I come in last. 😉
Those personalities starting in the womb, they drive me nuts and fill my heart with pride all at once! I’m that competitive type who would rather quit than finish in any place but first. I see that in some of my children. It crushes my heart to see them stop believing in themselves. I pray I can be their cheerleader and point them back to Jesus and his truth about us! Thanks for linking in to Five Minute Friday!
http://my-scraps-of-life.blogspot.com/2013/06/five-minute-friday-fall.html
Disc golf? Ohh, our families would get along!
I used to be more competitive than I am, but I still remember those days of not wanting to do something at all if I couldn’t do it well. (Well, maybe I’m still not over them…). But it’s reassuring to know that we don’t have to be perfect–that we can fall–and will still be well. The Lord always has us in the palm of his hand. Thanks for sharing this, Jacque. Beautiful.
“It’s such a hard road to walk when you’re without grace for your own heart.” Those are beautiful and true words! Lovely post:).
And I’m right with you…running, walking, or at times limping, but we’re doing what God has called us to do and the pace is just what He designed for us, and we WILL finish in His time, my friend!
I know, isn’t it amazing how we just come out certain ways…God master-crafting each one of us. Now the goal is to take what He’s given and conform it to His word, infusing grace and humility in. I’m praying with you to point us all back to Jesus!
Yes! It’s one of my husband’s favorite games 🙂 Have a blessed weekend, Amy!!
Yes…always in the palm of His hand. Thank you so much for stopping by Lisa!! I’m falling with you and still we are well in Him!
Thank you so much Jennifer…praying abundant grace for us all! Have a beautiful day 🙂
Those words went deep, and I so needed them today!
Thank you Kathryn…Grace and more grace is what we need. xoxo
I am realizing for myself that with surrender there is no falling. I am simply on a journey in which all events are opportunities to learn more about my spirituality and my connection to God. Falling or failing is a perception and attitude of mine that is within my power to change. That’s one of my lessons. I am still learning.
Yes, ALL things a chance to learn and connect with God more! Blessings Catherine!