It is five years after I remarry when I finally begin to make friends–when I start new. Because after the affair and the divorce and the loss of all I know, I have no other choice but to start again.
We attend couple’s bible study every Tuesday for three years with the same five couples, and we study so many different topics. Including a series on marriage, complete with each couple going around the circle, sharing stories of how they met.
And for most I suppose it would be an easy thing to do.
To tell the fond story of how two hearts meet and are set aflame with passion for one another.
How there’s butterflies and dates and letters and phone calls.
How the families are introduced and all show up for the grandness of the wedding.
How the white dress is worn down the long carpeted aisle and the groom wells with tears at the sight of his bride.
How the cake is cut and the car drives away with cans clanking down the road.
Oh if only it were that easy for me. If only I had a story like that to share.
Because my story … well, I am convinced for years that if I tell my real story, my relationships won’t be the same.
I’m convinced I will no longer belong, after the complete truth is told.
For years I hide what I’ve done.
I answer inquiries honestly, but being honestly misleading … omitting details while stating truths, answering vaguely, implying normality and hoping to avoid being found out … for fear I’ll no longer belong.
And then God shakes my lie-believing self to the core. He goes and asks me to share my story–asks me to speak in front of a live group. A group that includes those ladies from my couple’s Bible study.
It’s been three years I’ve known them.
Three years they’ve seen me every week.
Three years without knowing the whole story.
My legs shake the day they come and sit in the second row, staring at me so proudly, like they already know who I am and what I’m going to say. But oh how they have no idea.
And I can’t help but wonder as I begin to speak, will I still belong an hour from now?
This day is a milestone for me, as they shed tears as I speak, feeling every emotion I describe of the turmoil I chose along the way. The mud, the pain, the forgiveness and the redemption that followed.
And then there are the hugs.
Long hugs after everyone is gone.
Hugs of warmth and deepened friendship and a bonding of hearts that is only had by sharing another’s pain.
Not only did I belong …
But I was wanted, and welcomed, and cared for so deeply. Even more so because of the truth. [Tweet that]
And this is what God does for us.
God’s love is unrelated to what we do and only related to whose we are.
And We. Are. His. [Tweet that]
Because He made the way for us to belong to Him, regardless of the truth of our situation.
He gave Jesus to save you and me. And He wants us–past and all.
No matter what we’ve done.
No matter the mess we’re in.
He can’t be more happy to pick us up, because we already belong.
For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Colossians 1:13-14
He has done it.
Won’t you turn to Him today?
Start with the truth … Tell Him all about it … because He already knows anyway.
He knows…
And He still loves even you.
More than you can imagine, you already belong.
Tell Him and see … you won’t believe His magnificent love waiting for you.
And I know, because it is the same love and mercy that found me.
Oh friend, has it found you?
Do you really know you already belong?
When in your life have you questioned if you belong?
I’m joining Lisa-Jo, over at her site today, to take five minutes and just write without worrying if it’s just right or not. The challenge is to write for 5 15 minutes flat with the prompt she gives. And today, the prompt of her sweet friend Ann:
Belong…
What a grace-FULL story, Jacque! Such authenticity. Thank you for sharing on FMF so I could find you!! Saying a prayer for you now…..
Krista
Thank you Krista…God is faithful…and even though it’s been 10 years since then, His restoration and redemption is still fresh in my mind and I’m so full of thanks to Him!
Thank you for sharing this. Yes, He still loves us. Be blessed:)
There’s something special about truly feeling as if we belong, isn’t there?
I’m convinced I will no longer belong, after the complete truth is told.
Such a weighty lie that anchors us to such a lonely place.
Love your post this morning and I delight in your authenticity!
we all have things that we want to hide. I love that you have shared your story so open and honestly…you are so brave. And I love you!!
Wow so beautiful and transparent. We have more in common than you think;-) We must keep in touch. God redeems and we belong to Him no matter who makes us feel like we don’t belong. But thankfully your story ended with grace-filled sisters in Christ. What a blessing that is! Thankful to have “met” you here in the blogging community. I see you more than just a blogging friend, but a sister in Christ who I connect with on a deeper level now that I read your story!! yess! Hugs!!
Also I have someone I can faithfully pray for that God would continue to use your story and life for his glory!
Jacque, your beautiful sweet spirit and genuineness never cease to come through in your writing. You KNOW Whose you are and that’s soo important. Are you in Christ? Then you are a NEW creature where OLD things have passed away and He’s made everything new. He once told me ‘my past was not big enough to stop me from entering my future’. I hear Him saying the same to you. Enjoy where He’s brought you to and thank you for being vulnerable, and reminding me that ALWAYS, the truth will make me free, and for sure make me belong!
enjoyed this, bless you.
Fear of being exposed, hiding in the shadows. I’m very familiar with that, and all the while God is calling us out, out into His perfect grace covering, and I love how your friends held out the robe to you. Cant wait to hug you myself in a few months!
Thank you for sharing this vulnerable part of your life! Being witness myself to this pain in the heart of a family member, your words show how powerful forgiveness is in healing and how time is important in process.
Jacque, five minute friday is what compelled me over here. And i just finished reading your entire story and I’m still wiping away tears from my eyes. Thank you so much for sharing. Thank you for being raw and real. Thank you for telling us a story over years of your life. God’s redemptive love is so powerful, and I’m so encouraged to hear how He’s worked in you through all of this. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you Jen…blessings to you as well!
Yes, Amy there is. Especially when we belong even after we are truly known. And isn’t that what God does for us? I’m so in awe of Him…
Thank you so much Lori! It was such a delight to find you and your blog. Thank you for visiting me here!
Oh Mary, my mercy friend, I love you too…SO much. Thank you for praying for me as I’ve written this year. I’ll never forget our time at Allume and can’t wait to see you again! By any chance will you be at the Declare Conference?? [crossing my fingers you might :)…]
Oh Rebecca, thank you, thank you for your kind words of kindredness and friendship. Isn’t it amazing how brokenness can bond and pain can bring together. Thank you for praying…I long for God to use this for good…that others may know His Mercy can find them, and that they are not alone! Pray on friend, pray on…xo
Thank you so much Denise…you are such an encourager!
Oh yes…OUT into His perfect grace-covering…I am counting the days to get to meet you in that Greenville airport and hug YOU!! xoxo
Forgiveness is SO powerful…and yes. TIME. Lots of time. For me over 14 years of time. May God be with you as you walk beside the broken, and may they know that Mercy can find them, and that there is NOTHING God cannot redeem. Blessings to you Crystal!!
His redemptive love IS so powerful. I am giving thanks even now that even my story could point you to Him…because this restorative and redeeming work IS all Him. And I long for others who are broken to know, it is NEVER too late for them. No matter what. May many find hope even through my failure, because of HIS great love that reached down and rescued even me. Thank you so much for your sweet words…they mean more to me than you’ll ever know. With much love to you….xoxo
What beautiful encouragement…thank you so much. You bless me so…and yes. ALWAYS the truth sets us free, and YOU always belong. Blessings to you!!
wondering if we will belong…so true. i’m guessing that is what caused adam and eve to hide in the garden. they tho’t they would no longer belong. and they didn’t in the same way of course, but even then, God provided redemption. God’s grace is so rich isn’t it. it is beyond our comprehension!
Each time we tell our forgiveness story our wounds are healed. Yes they leave a scar but they cease to bleed and can be used by our Lord to help heal others. Well written and well said guided by the hand of God post. I am blessed this morning to visit your site.
Jacque, thank you for your honest and wise words. So true–nothing can separate us from the love of Christ. You have a beautiful gift with words that helps people understand that important, life-giving truth.
Yes, Martha…SO rich! xo
And I am blessed by your sweet encouraging words…thank you so much Betty!
Thank you Katie…I long for them to know it is true. So glad to get to know you 🙂
What a timely encouragement for me (especially since I am reading more than a week after you posted! The Lord is working in me to share some things with my father, whom I’ve only known as an adult. I was able to share with some women on his side of the family (also new to me) and I can feel my healing journey accelerating just a bit. I have not been able to figure out what the roadblock is for me… but now I see it a little more clearly. I still want him to love me.
I’m so glad it was an encouragement to you! And may God continue to reveal the process of healing for you to walk…He is so gentle and good! xo