We didn’t really fight much. That’s the crazy part. Because if a marriage is unraveling, most people assume there’s fighting. And that’s exactly why it was such a shock to everyone when I confessed my affair.
No.
Fighting is not the indicator of marital disintegration. The real indicator is apathy… [Tweet that]
And apathy happens over time.
No one wakes up one day not caring about their marriage. It’s a process we allow over time. We stop fighting, and either consciously or subconsciously, we give up.
Many times, we tell no one. Because over time, our hearts have become too weary, and we’ve felt alone for too long. We look around us, and without knowing what others are facing, we assume they’re happy–that their marriages are way more amazing than they actually are.
We compare, and then we lament.
We convince ourselves there’s no hope,
And numb ourselves to the possibility of marital happiness, shutting ourselves out from the world.
We become too embarrassed to share our despair, because our marriage-struggle has grown beyond anything we know how to handle. We hobble through our days, dread the intimacy moments, and feel conflicted whether to try to connect just one more time.
In the past, the attempts to connect have brought pain, and we are so done with pain–so over the disappointment.
And then, one day, we decide not to fight anymore. All alone, we choose apathy. And since we’ve been starved of our needs for so long, we begin to forget what our needs even are.
If you’ve been there, know someone who has, or are currently facing this apathy-life, may you know you are not alone.
And not only are you not alone, but there is hope.
Because apathy is a choice, and you can choose to fight again.
You can decide to tell someone.
You can opt to figure out your needs,
And dare to begin a conversation again.
When we confess our internal struggles, they lose their power over us. [Tweet that]
I didn’t do that, and the consequences were disastrous. I endured over a decade of guilt and pain–so much more than would have ever been, had I just decided to ditch the apathy, tell someone, and fight.
You can begin again today. You really can start new.
Because the only person we can ever change is ourselves. And love really is a decision. [Tweet that]
I’m praying for you today–praying that with God’s mercy, and by His grace, you will fight for your marriage. That you will throw down the apathy and fight for the marriage of your dreams, one decision at a time.
I am with you, friend. You are not alone.
What is your biggest struggle in marriage?
What is one tip you’d offer to us as we fight?
This post is part of the Happy Wives Club Blog Tour, celebrating the release of Fawn Weaver’s new book, Happy Wives Club.
Fawn Weaver is the founder of the Happy Wives Club, and she wrote a book about the best marriage secrets the world has to offer. They say the book is like “Eat, Pray, Love meets The 5 Love Languages.”
In her book she interviews wives all around the world, to discover the secrets to having, and building, a mutually satisfying marriage. I think her words will inspire you to keep fighting.
And may you know, I am with you in the fight!
You can grab a copy of Fawn’s book HERE.
I’m joining many other bloggers in this blog tour.
To learn more, and read their words about Fawn’s new book,
you can join us by CLICKING HERE!
I’m joining Lisa-Jo, over at her site today, to just write in just five minutes (for me today it was 20) without worrying if it’s just right or not. The challenge is to write with the prompt she gives. And today, her prompt:
Fight…
*Photo Credit: Eric Chan, Flickr Creative Commons
Beautiful words. My biggest struggle has been letting him lead. I feel the relationship. Intensely. When we are not connecting, my heart is first to ache. Then, I try to push. It was the best decision I made to actively choose to let him lead. It makes my heart feel crazy–because this is not my normal posture–but I have more peace. I am free to pray like crazy, do whatever God leads, and rest.
Oh, Jacque, I almost called you today about this very thing. I need some Jacque perspective!! I just learned this has hit close to home in my husband’s family. Thank you so much for your honesty and bravery. I know so many are blessed by you and your words! Love you, friend!
Jacque, oh friend, how I am encouraged here today! One struggle is to keep that apathy from creeping in tiny moment by tiny moment. And one tip is to call it for what it is. Every. Single. Time. Thank you for beautiful and hope-filled words!
I love that Cheryl…praying and resting. I understand that desire for connection. Praying for you tonight, that you’ll feel the comfort of Christ, and have all the wisdom and peace you need. Blessings to you!
I’m so glad! And yes, one tiny moment at a time. I am with you! xo
Thank you for being open and taking the challenge to share your story on your blog. I loved reading your story of redemption and grace. I have fought for my marriage and it was totally worth it! Thanks for sharing your life with us! 🙂
This is hope-filled. Thank you for sharing. We struggle with the relentless pace of life (hubby’s schedule is hard and changes often). This year, we’re trying to make a concentrated effort to make time for us.
Deb Weaver
Thanks Jacque so much for this post on fighting as it relates to our marriages. Everything you said was so right on. It’s the apathy that kills a relationship. You do just stop caring because the pain has become too great. The best book I’ve read on this subject recently is called, Keep Your Love On by Danny Silk. The message is about connecting not controlling. Changed my paradigm. Blessings to you this new year.
For your prayers, thank you.
Thank you for giving me the words I’ve been looking for to describe the battle raging in my heart! Apathy. This is what has been creeping into my heart. I’ve been losing the desire to fight. The question for me now is, what does that fight look like? Time to pray. Thank you, thank you!
Wow. I am in the midst of apathy in my marriage. Not sure what to do. He is an atheist…I am a Christian. No spiritual unity, no emotional unity, no physical intimacy, not even similar financial goals. No connection at all…..Pain, emptiness, shallowness, sadness have overtaken me. I feel so incredible stuck.
After been in relationship with a guy for 3 years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that don’t believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I meant a spell caster called Dr, Aduwawa and I email him, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: ([email protected]) or you can call him on +2348112019701, you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR……
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I was there too and God changed my husband and he became a Christian. Except my apathy was so deep that now things are even worse. If you can begin to care now…DO IT!!!