I don’t remember what we talked about each Sunday morning, but I looked forward to every Sunday school class in 6th grade. And while it’s true I liked going to see the cute boy who was there, mostly I liked how Mrs. Moore talked about God–almost like she knew Him on a first-name basis and had a special “in” with Jesus. Her middle-aged eyes lit up and danced on her pudgy face, as she talked of how she was in love with Him, and how I could be too.
Just being around her made me feel closer to God.
I remember another woman who entered my life while I was a music pastor’s wife in my early twenties. Rachel and her husband returned from Africa, where they served God out in the middle of nowhere. And they told magnetizing stories of their ministry there. That year was their furlough year, and they’d moved into one of the parsonages just blocks from the church. She was pregnant with their third baby, and delivered soon after they arrived.
I watched as she gently mothered her newborn and toddlers, observed as she supported her husband, and marveled in her articulate ways. She had a Master’s degree from seminary, and faithfully studied God’s Word. And between her and her husband, they’d memorized entire books of the New Testament. She was a busy lady, in the throes of sleepless nights and unrelenting motherhood–a stage of life I didn’t yet understand at all.
Yet even still, her example and commitment left me awestruck and longing for more.
For more Jesus.
More service.
More interaction with her.
I remember craving time with her–because when I was close to her, I felt closer to God.
And then, profound failure hit my life in my late twenties. And in the aftermath of the crisis, and throughout the decade of healing that followed, I grew in maturity and character. Through counseling and God’s mercy, I gained freedom from my dependence on performance-based love and approval. And I grew in my intimacy with God.
And, while I’ve thrown off my need to depend on others to feel close to God, it’s a love idol
At forty-three, if I’m gut-level honest, I still crave closeness with others who are close to God. Not because I’m not close to Him myself, but because I’m still romanced by the inkling that being close to them, makes me feel closer to God.
I’m a relator by nature, and almost nothing is more satisfying to me than connecting with others. Especially others who are passionate about pursuing God too. You can spot them as clearly as your reflection in a storefront window.
They give gentle answers.
Conduct quiet lives.
Practice patience and gentleness.
Give thanks.
And captivate you with their joy.
But a dangerous line is crossed anytime we look to a person to occupy a piece of real-estate in our heart that only belongs to God. [Tweet that]
And if I’m not careful, those people–those relationships–can become love idols in my life.
I know it is acceptable, and even preferable, to be in community and receive encouragement and support from others who love God.
Honestly, that is a beautiful gift.
And I suppose I could have hidden behind that fact, not written this post, and seemed so ‘put together’. But for me, it would be a mask. And I’d be hiding dysfunction behind that veil.
Because even good things can become dysfunctional things, if we let them.
It’s one thing to have friends who are passionate about God, and desire to be close to them. It’s another whole thing to crave their companionship so much, that it preoccupies your everyday moments, and interrupts your everyday life.
Incessantly checking for messages.
Watching their interactions with others, and longing to interact with them too.
Hanging on their every word,
And feeling less than, when you’re overlooked or ignored.
God has been firmly tugging on my heart about this, and I’d be waxing eloquent and justifying it, if I failed to face the truth.
Because there are some relationships in my life I’ve allowed to become love idols
And during this Lenten season, I want to be free.
Free from checking and watching.
Free from hanging and longing.
And instead? I want more of Him.
To look to Him. And to crave Him alone.
To pursue Him when I’m tempted to seek closeness from them.
To run toward my God, who has already declared He knows me, and loves me, and is ever so close to me right where I am.
In the moments I’m tempted to turn to my love idols
And may I know, in the deepest parts of my heart, He alone is always enough for me.
What love idol can you identify in your life?
My friend Jennifer Dukes Lee has written a book called Love Idol: Letting Go of Your Need for Approval-and Seeing Yourself through God’s Eyes
In Love Idol, Jennifer addresses our propensities toward self-criticism, perfectionism, performance, and validation from anything other than God. And we leave with her words believing and knowing of this great love of God. A love that is ours no matter what we do, or what we fail to do. We are pre-approved, and lack nothing because of Him.
Jennifer’s book is scheduled for release on April 1st, but is available for pre-order now. And in celebration of the book, Jennifer is going on a deep Lenten journey leading us in a process, to uncover our love idols, remove them, and begin to live freer than we ever have before. And we are all invited.
Join the Love Idol Facebook group HERE!
Won’t you come along with us?
This struck home. Thank you for sharing.
Together in this, to lay the idols down. Much love to you Deb. xo
O my goodness, when I read your words, “I’m a relator by nature.” -I read: “I’m a realtor…” & I had to back track for a spell-check! Then when you wrote, “real estate in your heart” -I thought, what fun irony. 🙂
That little fun fact stated, I relate with the fine line as I am enamored with seeing the works of God flowing through His people, that I am drawn to be in the presence of those who are anointed, but I know I have to be mindful always of Who is the Giver of the glory, and let it be all His.
I was just considering this after the weekend conference, and was encouraged thinking of how Joshua stayed by Moses’ side, and Elisha refused to leave Elijah’s side seeking a ‘double portion’ of his spirit.
Because I know those stories, I ask for that- for the filling of the Spirit of God when in the presence of His people. And I ask for more faith. Faith to match the calling He has on my life and faith to believe the truth.
And I am so so thankful for the fellowship of friends like you. I treasure the time we had. Glad to be on the journey with you friend!
PS WE HAD SUNSHINE AND IT WAS 40 DEGREES AND SNOW IS MELTING HERE!
Thanks for the sunshine! 😉
You captured this beautifully!! Thanks for sharing your heart.
But a dangerous line is crossed anytime we look to a person to occupy a piece of real-estate in our heart that only belongs to God.
Thank you Marcy, so much…xo
YAY for sun and warmer temps for you, my frozen friend! And thank you for the beauty of the words you shared here. I love that…to be filled with more of His Spirit in the presence of His people. I love that so, SO much!
Jacque, you’ve been drifting around in my thoughts since we left Austin. (It was so great to see you again!!!) this is a beautiful honest post and I’ve also struggled with this, and lately (over the last several months) have felt a deep release from it. I am praying for your heart, that you would experience total freedom from this, and be filled with the wholeness of God. You are a treasure, and I love you.
This is so honest and true and beautiful. I’m so glad you’re along for the journey, and immensely grateful for your friendship and your gentle leading. I love you, friend.
In my own life, I’ve found this to be such a delusive problem…”a dangerous line is crossed anytime we look to a person to occupy a piece of real-estate in our heart that only belongs to God.”
You don’t even realize it’s happening until the person lets you down and it hits you harder than it should. Thankful for a God whose grace and love are so great He shakes us out of our deception. So thankful for your honesty, Jacque. Believing your faith and courage to speak out on this will help bring lasting freedom in this area, both to you and to others!
Oh, so true
Lord let me be aware and in Your divine Love & Mercy draw me closer to You!
Amen.
Thank you so much Kris…sending much love to you too…xo
Thrilled to be championing with you this message and call for freedom and wholeness. May we join arms and daily lay our idols down, knowing and experiencing how very much we really are pre-approved in Him. SO much love to you, Jennifer.
Yes! You’re right. And then that moment it hits harder than it should…a call that it needs to handed over and laid down. Yes. Thank you for understanding, and the reassurance that comes with knowing we are not alone!
Yes! Thank you for that Marie..
Wonderful honesty here… I have been pondering where Jesus found His truest rest and fellowship …it was in the Trinity… The purest fellowship there is… So I long to be more and more hid in Christ so with Him I enter this true fellowship and fellowship that really can trump the best any earthly relationship can give…. I also realize that the desire of my heart and the reality of which I live in this desire can be far apart… But this is not bad…it is the very space God comes and fills… He uses those things you wrote of here as opportunities for us to see the reality…but with this reality he brings hope and grace for us to lay down those idols. Xoxo
I ran across your blog today and this article through the “Love Idol” website. I just finished that book and it was something I desperately needed to hear and was such encouragement to me in this journey of life. Your honest article also hit home with me. I struggle with the same exact thing. I, too, am ready to be free of it and seek Jesus with all my heart, soul and mind and quit looking to people to fill that God sized hole in me, that only HE can fill. Thanks so much again for sharing! 🙂 Blessings to you. -MW
AMAZING………..these words are so incredibly relevant to me. Like God led me to this blog post just to let me know that somebody out there fights the same battle I do. Thanks for sharing.