Welcome to episode 011 of Mud Stories!
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Mud Stories is a podcast dedicated to bringing you inspiration in your muddiest moments, hope to make it through your mud, and encouragement for you to know, you are not alone.
In today’s episode I’m talking with Carrie O’Toole a counselor and life coach who lives in Colorado with her husband Bob and their college-aged children.
Carrie loves to bike, camp, play the tuba, and coach individuals and couples who are struggling in their relationships. Carrie is the author of a book entitled, Relinquished: When Love Means Letting Go, and on this podcast she so bravely shares her mud story, including her struggle in the process of choosing to let go.
In this episode we discuss:
- Carrie’s personal mud story beginning with her international adoption
- Her child’s Reactive Attachment Disorder
- How the experience almost destroyed her and her family
- The desperation and hopelessness of depression, anxiety, and insomnia
- The stigma of mental health issues
- And the pain and suffering involved with losing a child, the process of letting go, and the anguish of the choice
This episode encompasses so many issues which affect so many, and I pray you are deeply encouraged by Carrie’s story today–a story that is not wrapped up in a pretty red bow, but one God is continuing to redeem each and every day.
Mud Stories 011: “What if the only way for healing to occur is to let go?” @CarrieOToole [Tweet that]
And after you listen, I’d be SO grateful if you’d take the time to give a rating or review over at iTunes, to help others find this podcast. (follow the instructions below) Enjoy!
SCRIPTURE:
Then I will make up to you for the years
That the swarming locust has eaten,
The creeping locust, the stripping locust and the gnawing locust,
My great army which I sent among you. Joel 2: 25 (NASB)
CONNECT with Carrie:
Website:
- Carrie’s website: www.carrieotoole.com
Social Media:
LINKS:
- Broken & Brilliant Video Podcast, with Carrie O’Toole
- Carrie’s Book: Relinquished: When Love Means Letting Go
- Life-Coaching with Carrie
- 3-day Intensive Workshop with Carrie
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Oh this was so moving. I felt connected to your story. Not because we share the same story. But that, we both have walked hard paths, paths of grief, and people not understanding. My brother was first diagnosed with schizophrenia, which was heart breaking, and then he would ultimately go off his meds and take the life of his friend. It was such a lonely hard time of learning how to grieve for someone who was still alive. Thank you for sharing your story. It touched my heart. Praying for your heart.
Nell
Disenfranchised Grief: (Check out our blog post here.) One’s grief is ‘disenfranchised’ when their culture, society, or support group, make them feel their loss and/or grief is invalidated and insignificant. This can occur when the death is stigmatized (suicide, overdose, HIV/AIDS, drunk driving), the relationship is seen as insignificant (ex-spouse, co-worker, miscarriage, pet), the relationship is stigmatized by society (same-sex partner, gang member, partner from an extramarital affair), the loss is not a death (Dementia, Traumatic Brain Injury, Mental Illness, Substance Abuse). (Disrupted Adoption needs to be added to this description.) A grief that is not understood or accepted as grief because it was the parents choice to let the child go.
This story is so close to our experiences. We adopted two older boys from Korea. The older son never did attach to us. He has been in and out of prison since 1988. We have only seen him once since 1998. His responses to us was devastating (1978-present); at that time there was not help or understanding. It led to extreme stress on our marriage, and eventually my breakdown in 1998. It was hard to listen to this, but necessary. We still feel the effects of all this. Thanks, Carrie, for sharing this.
What an awesome podcast Jacque and Carrie. We have been asked about taking in a 13 year old. Listening to your story was so very good. We are not entering into this thinking we know it all and we have ‘the fix’. Instead, I am a little fearful. But if God calls us to take in this 13 year old He will want to do something good. In particular it was good to hear about the pedestal. This boy has been rejected over and over and over again. We may take him in and it may not work out again because of his bonding issues. It’s good to know ahead of time we are not his fix and we may need to let go, no matter what others think. Carrie, it absolutely sounds like you did the absolute right thing. I just wished people would hear you out on it. And it is my prayer that your son will be returned to you somehow at some point, in some way. I pray that moment will be full of healing. I also pray he will choose the path of healing for himself at some point. God bless you all!!
Thanks for this. We are still in the middle of all of that….Today I am beginning a 31 day series on my blog about hidden disabilities, RAD included (because that’s my story). This will be another tool in the resource toolbox!