I want to gather with the important people and tour the important places and feel like I belong. And it makes me feel so small to even admit it. I think the longing comes from the way I’ve come to know them as close friends through their writing. They’ve chosen to put themselves out there and expose their hearts with their vulnerable stories and transparent struggles. And that kind of authenticity is magnetizing. It pulls me in and makes me feel close, but the reality is, they don’t know me at all.
I’ve always been that way though–with a tendency to idealize and idolize what could be. I see it so clearly. Because I’m a relator who longs to connect. And there’s just this sense I have when I detect a kindred spirit. One can learn so much by reading someone’s writing, and it makes me able to picture what the relationship could be–how they’d be so good for me and how I’d be so right for them.
And yet there’s no reason they’d know me. I’ve never written a book and my platform is small. My reach is one at a time as opposed to thousands at a time, and my numbers wouldn’t qualify me for a book deal anyway. Still, I find myself thinking, “If only they knew me, they’d love me too.”
But they don’t know me.
I wasn’t invited.
And I didn’t gather–no matter how great a fit I’d be.
What are we to do when relationships we seek are beyond us?
When we long to gather in that field of blooming bulbs but weren’t invited?
When we crave to be seen but are seemingly invisible?
The tendency is to think our field of blooming bulbs is dull and drab compared to theirs. We’re tempted to think we’re less significant–that our flower’s leaves make less oxygen as a gift to the world. And we suspect that the blooms right next to us aren’t as kindred as the ones we’re coveting from afar.
But what if we’re already surrounded with beautiful blooms God has given?
What if we’ve been so busy gazing across toward the other field that we’ve missed the transparent and valuable flower gathered right next to us here?
What if instead of longing to gather in a field across the way, we bend our necks and bow our hearts to see the stalk God’s already placed next to us now?
And what if by doing so, we begin to realize the exact position and purpose God has given each of us to walk–with a beautiful gathering of souls exactly right where we are?
If we look down, maybe we could see them even now–a gathering we’ve been wishing for all this time.
Have you ever longed to be included?
How did you navigate your longing?
And just in case you have far-away longings too, I had this conversation with Jennifer Dukes Lee once, all about approval and acceptance and Love Idols, and I remember it being a lovely encouragement.
Perhaps it’d be an encouragement to you too? Join us?
Oh Jacque, you have beautifully articulated the place that most bloggers/writers/speakers/etc have found themselves in at one time or another. My wise husband told me once that Jesus ministered less to the crowds and more to the individual and small groups. It was a game changer for me. The one-on-one is where heart strings are so often plucked. It is where the Holy Spirit, through willing vessels, changes one heart at a time. Lovely post. I’m your neighbor at #FMFparty.
All I can say is me too !! me too!! I long to fit in and be “acknowledged” but then I am ashamed to admit that I desire that. Thank you for your heart !!!
Oh, my, yes! I just had a similar conversation with a friend via email. Of course, you’ve worded it so beautifully here. 🙂
Oh my goodness, yes! I am an only child, so I think there is something in my very DNA that longs for belonging to something bigger than myself or more important than I see myself to be. I have gotten better at seeing the kindred spirits near me, but I’ll admit that even now, I have moments when I yearn to gather with those I find from afar. Thank you for stopping by and commenting on my little blog. Your blog is lovely, by the way! God bless you!
One heart at a time…and what a privilege it is to be used by God in that. So nice to meet you Leah! xo
So glad to not be alone Amy…blessings to you as you too find your blooming flowers nearby 🙂
Thank you so much Jen..it certainly isn’t easy to overcome is it. Praying we can keep our eyes open to whatever God is placing before us right where we are. xo
It is so hard isn’t it. No matter what is near, afar seems so mesmerizing and magnetizing. But there is much to do and many to love, right where we’re planted. Thank you for your kind words and graciousness. It was a delight to visit your place!
Oh, how beautiful it is to see your heart poured out here…and reflecting my own. This is what I’m taking with me today and keeping close for future days when these same feelings well up, “And what if by doing so, we begin to realize the exact position and purpose God has given each of us to walk–with a beautiful gathering of souls exactly right where we are?” That’s exactly what God is trying his hardest to teach me…my position and purpose in this place He has me with the women He’s brought and bringing into my life. In the end, we are all just people. His people in need of His love and grace and in need of giving it to those He gives us to share it with. Thank you for being so transparent and real…it fits you beautifully and I feel doubly blessed that God crossed our paths. Love you so! XXOO
If only they knew me, they’d love me too. Tears. Sending you a Private Message so we can start this kindred sort of knowing and being known…