31 days of What I Learned and What You Should Know Before an Affair
(With a podcast introduction)
Scroll down to read Day 1.
Click HERE to read the all the other days.
(I’ll be adding a link there each day once it goes live)
Welcome to episode 061 of Mud Stories!
This is Day 1 in the series “31 Days: What You Should Know Before An Affair“
Mud Stories is a podcast dedicated to bringing you inspiration in your muddiest moments, hope to make it through your mud, and encouragement for you to know, you are not alone.
In today’s episode I’m sharing my own mud story and an introduction to a new series I’ll be writing for the month of October, entitled: 31 Days of What I Learned and What You Should Know Before An Affair.
To make sure you don’t miss a thing, here’s what you can do for Day 1:
- Listen to the podcast episode above
- Scroll down to read Day 1
- Know that you will be able to find links to all of the posts in this series on a page over HERE
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Day 1:
Every year, bloggers around the globe gather in October to write for 31 days about a topic of their choosing. For several years I’ve wanted to participate, but allowed a busy schedule and apprehension stop me. But not this year. Since starting The Mud Stories Podcast I’ve missed writing—missed reflecting and processing in written form—and there’s no better time than now to talk through and process with you, my favorite muddy people. You are most certainly my people.
Because of my story there are commonly three categories of people who reach out me, either by email, voicemail, or social media.
First, those who are thinking about having an affair, are having an affair, or had one in the past. They reach out in desperation, driven by suffocating guilt and sinking shame.
Second, are those who have been betrayed who are longing to understand why their partner strayed and groping and brainstorming any possible way to understand why it happened and how to get their life back to where it was before the horror and pain of the betrayal.
And finally, there are those who have a friend whose life has been rocked by an affair-related crisis, and their desire is to be supportive and helpful, but they are uncertain what to do.
For the next 31 days, I want to explore with you a need I’ve seen among all of them—those who are broken from shattered relationships, marred by guilt, self-condemning or full of shame, like I used to be. Like maybe you are?
Maybe you’re a woman who’s experiencing disengagement in your marriage, like you’re not enough, or your relationship has become stagnant.
Or maybe you’re a man who is secretly feeling like a failure, or perhaps you’re living with a nagging wife and it has caused you to be less attracted to her and your emotional connection is waning. Or maybe you’re wondering how you can ever measure up and you long for more in life but are not sure what that “more” is.
Perhaps it’s possible you are reading this and you are yearning for belonging, craving connection, or just wanting to be seen. Or just maybe, you’re tired of trying and you’ve become indifferent and discontent with your current life—disappointed in how things have turned out. You never thought you’d feel this way.
If any of these ring true, you are in a very vulnerable and dangerous place.
I know.
Because I’ve been there.
Except when I was there, I didn’t realize how vulnerable I was. And before I knew it–before I even realized it–I was in an irreversible mess and deep in the mud.
If you’ve been thinking about someone else or already reconnecting with an old friend,
If you’ve been thinking thoughts you’d never want anyone to know,
If you’ve thought of having an affair or know someone who is,
Or if you’ve not realized until now that you are already disengaged,
You are more vulnerable than you realize, and this series is for you.
Whether you know you’re vulnerable or deny you ever could be.
Whether you’re thankful for my perspective, or can’t stand my audacity, or aren’t sure what to think at all.
No matter what, if you’re willing to meet me here with an open mind, if you’re willing to listen, willing to think long and hard about the condition of your own heart, and ready to examine your own life and take whatever action is needed, this series is for you.
I commit to you, I will write truth, no matter how hard. And even if there’s only one heart saved from the pain I’ve survived, healed from, and sometimes continue to mitigate, it will be worth it.
So let’s do this.
31 days of what I’ve learned and what I think you should know before an affair.
Read Day 2 HERE
Throughout this series, if you have a question or a struggle and want me to address it or write on it in this series, please send me an email (jacque at jacquewatkins dot com) or a voicemail (green button on right sidebar) and I will do my best to incorporate it into this series. It will make me so happy to have feedback from you and to write what it is you might need. I can’t wait to hear from you.
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Thank you, Jackie. I sent you a message via Facebook to thank you for telling the worst thing you ever did.
You helped me. I wouldn’t have thought so because I have been betrayed all throughout my relationship with my husband.
Because of him not knowing how to deal with growing up in a alcoholic home, he found porn. Sex became love, and by the time we met in high school, the seed had been planted.
Although we have been getting individual counseling, the triggers remain. We never had ANYTHING pure. He never knew how to love except with sex. Things are tenuous in every area of our lives because of his lies and infidelities.
You gave me a gift that none of the females who cheated with him did: You were repentant. You were a Christian who knew she had wronged another Christian woman, and you reached out to make it right because you allowed God to feel the pain you caused another.
The Other Woman only blasted me with cruelty when I tried respectfully to tell me what happened.
I don’t regret standing up for myself after being in the dark for so long. You understand that.
Thank you. My prayer is that Other Women in the Body of Christ will heed your warning, and get help if need be to STOP blugeoning innocent women and children to death with their selfishness. My husband is dedicated his life to Christ, going to SA, involved in Church/Bible Study and the children.
Speak as the Lord calls you to do. You have felt shame because you had and affair, and I feel shame because my husband had multiple affairs.
We both need a healing. When satan starts to pummel us, we need not say anything but, “It’s under the blood!”
Let’s not let the father of lies condemn and cripple us. I mean he is doomed, so what can he judge us about?
He made the biggest sin of all: trying to put his kingdom above God’s Kingdom!!!
May you and Your Family Be Blessed in whatever you do for Him👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Oh my…what a blessing you are to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! And yes, your FB message. I remember! In fact I presented your question to Annie Lobert in my interview with her, I think it is episode 50…and I’ve prayed for you and your situation. I can’t tell you how wonderful it is when we stop blaming or judging one another, or allowing anger and resentment to reign, and instead allow God’s mercy and grace to permeate our pain and help us understand we are loved and not alone. Thank you for being a champion of that and for your gracious kindness and love you’ve offered me here. I’m deeply thankful. Blessings to you sweet friend..xo
Sweet friend, you’re a blessing and your story is being used by God. Thank you for being brave. Thank you for being used of God. You’re important, valuable, loved, and desperately needed in this world.
Nell
Oh Nell, thank you so so much..so much..xo