The shame and guilt that followed the divorce almost buried me. I never imagined this level of brokenness, this depth of loneliness, or this amount of pain. I lost everything–my church, my community, and all my relationships, with the exception of one friend. Even my parents were unsure what to do with me. I had always […]
When Mercy Found Me {Day 7} A Hardened Heart
The moment was here. And how do you possibly speak words that will change all of life? Alter relationships? And shatter everything? I never intended to hurt anyone, but my actions screamed otherwise. And the awkward formality of my seriousness caught us both off guard, “I need to talk to you…” I had no idea what would […]
When Mercy Found Me {Day 6} The Affair
The final night had come … the last time I’d sing the role of Mary, the last time I’d portray what she thought and felt, and the last moments before an impending goodbye. I cried through the closing scene, struggling to pull myself together before singing the last song. And after the post-show mingling and the […]
When Mercy Found Me {Day 5} Getting Lost
In order to be found by mercy, we are usually already lost. And many times we get lost in the middle of a battle– every woman’s battle … a battle that starts in the thoughts of our mind. And then, wages war in our heart. And in the spring of 1996, my battle started. A battle within my […]
When Mercy Found Me {Day 4} The Impasse
Long before mercy really found me, I didn’t realize I should be the one giving it—that I should be granting grace and undeserved favor, especially in my marriage. It never occurred to me that I’d need to, because honestly … I didn’t think marriage would be that hard. From a young age I watched my […]
When Mercy Found Me {Day 3} A Mercy that Was All New
I was sure I understood the mercy of God years before I actually did. Life was simple growing up in a Christian home … on a walnut orchard down the end of a dirt lane. And the pace of life in my rural crop-filled San-Joaquin-Valley town was slow and steady. My mom made sure our life was […]
When Mercy Found Me {Day 2} Time in the Mud
That Easter Sunday, 1999, I was deep in the mud and in need of mercy–covered with grit and grime and stained with the pain of my choices. Over two and a half years before, even while knowing I was wrong, I had chosen to jump right into the mud—mud that was thick and gooey, complicated […]
When Mercy Found Me {Day 1} The Beginning
I don’t remember the exact moment mercy found me. It was more of a process over time, but I know when it all began. It was Easter Sunday, 1999. And I was a mess. As I crawled out of bed, my feet touched the cold wood floor, and I knew the next time I crawled back […]
